What exactly
do we mean by infidelity?
Is it a hook up, love story, chat room, page sex, or a
massage with happy ending?
Why do we
think that men cheat out of boredom in intimacy and women cheat out of loneliness
in intimacy? These extremely common act is so poorly understood. Therefore,
this piece of writing is for anyone who has ever LOVED.
Adultery has existed since marriage was
invented and so to the taboo against it. In fact infidelity has a tenacity that
marriage can only envy so much so that this is the only commandment that is
repeated twice in bible twice. Once for doing it and once just for thinking
about it. So how do we reconcile what is universally forbidden yet universally practiced
is the adultery itself. Who really knows what is going on under the sheets? The
double standards is all the adultery itself.
When it comes to sex, the pressure for men is to boast and to exaggerate
whereas for women it is to hide, minimize and deny.
Men relies
on women’s fidelity only to know whose children these are and who gets the cow
when they die? But definition on infidelity keeps on expanding, extending
widely from enacting from watching porn to staying secretly active on dating
apps.
Now, I like
this definition of an affair –it brings together the 3 key elements -a secretive
relationship (which is the core structure of an affair), Emotional connection (to
one degree or another) and the sexual alchemy. The kiss that u only imagine
giving, can be as powerful and as enchanting as hours of actual love making. It’s
our emotion that is responsible for love not the other person. So, it’s never
been easier to cheat and never been more difficult to keep a secret and never was
infidelity such a psychological troll. When marriage was an economic enterprise
infidelity threatened our economic security, but now that marriage is a
romantic arrangement, infidelity threatens our emotional security. Ironically, we
used to turn to adultery that was the space we sought pure love but now that we
seek love in marriage, adultery destroys it.
We have a
romantic ideal in which we turn to one person to fulfill an endless list of needs,
to be my best friend, my greatest lover, my emotional companion, the best parent,
my intellectual equal. And I am it. I am chosen, I am unique, I am indispensable,
I am irreplaceable. And infidelity tells me, I am not. Infidelity threatens our
sense of self. It questions everything. It is the violation of trust, crisis of
identity. Thus it shatters the grand ambition of love.
It is not
always our partner that we are turning away from. It is sometimes ourselves
that we have become. It leads you to several question which are less about sex
and a lot more about desire. A desire for attention, a desire to feel special,
a desire to feel important. The fact that u can never have your lover, the
ambiguity, the vacuum, the incompleteness keeps u wanting what you cannot possess.
These questions propel people and is an
antidote to death. Desires run deep. Betrayals run deep. But it can be healed. One
tenth of the boldness that they put into the affair is needed to restore trust
and curb the curiosity, the investigative questions. Set in your mind that -Betrayal
comes through negligence.
